Siblings at homebirth

Including older siblings in homebirth

Thanks to Jane Gould-Dowen @jane_goulddowen_doula for this amazing picture!

One aspect of homebirth that often appeals to families is the opportunity to have older children present at the birth. Here are some ways you can involve and prepare children for the birth of their new sibling at home.

1. Involve them in the pregnancy. If you're under the care of a midwife, they are often happy for children to attend appointments with you, and even have them "help" with tasks like listening to the baby's heartbeat. This can help older children connect with the baby before the birth, and also build a relationship with your midwife.

2. Talk about their births. If possible, show them photos or videos from their own births, or just tell them the story. Include details like what positions you were in, what tools you used (tens machine, fitball, shower/pool etc.) to help familiarise them.

3. Have them help prepare the birth space. They can paint pictures or write affirmations and help you hang them, as well as helping set up yoga mats, pillows, fairy lights and anything else you might like to create a cosy space.

4. Read books about birth. There are some great picture story books about birth which can help children visualise what to expect. Here are some suggestions:

   
   

   ·      Hello baby by Jenni Overend (good for younger children)

   
   

   ·      The birth of our new baby by Ashley Comer (has a section at the back they can fill in to commemorate their experience)

   
   

   ·      Welcome home by Alisha Bourke

   
   

   ·      Birth is magic by Christie Murray

   
   

   ·      My most magically ordinary day by Nicole Wheeler (tells the story of a freebirth)

   
   

   ·      My mother is the strongest by Cynthia Durand

   
   

   ·      Home sweet baby by Jonna Carter 

   
   

5. Watch videos of women giving birth. Unedited videos with sound are best, and there are some great short videos on Instagram (check out @mamatotomidwives and @badassmotherbirther). You can point out things like blood, the umbilical cord and the placenta to normalise and teach them what to expect. Be mindful of what number birth you're watching too, as a first labour/birth will generally be different (perhaps longer, perhaps harder) than subsequent vaginal births.

6. Have children help you practice different labour positions and sounds during pregnancy, so that they know what to expect on the day.

7. Consider having a support person at the birth who is there solely for your child/ren. This means they are free to come and go from the birth space as needed and you won't have to worry about practical tasks like making them dinner or putting them to bed. This also means they are taken care of in the event of a transfer. Many doulas also offer this as a part of their support role.

8. Give them jobs to do during the labour. For example, bringing you water and snacks, saying your affirmations, or helping to fill the birth pool.

9. Create a busy box with items like colouring books, stickers, playdough, puzzles etc. to keep them occupied if needed while you're in labour. The support person can do these activities with them, and if you don't end up using it, it's also very handy in the early postpartum and breastfeeding days!

   
   

This is by no means a comprehensive list - these are many other ways you can include older siblings, and many aspects that you or they might choose not to be involved in.

You know your family best, so be guided by your intuition in planning what is best for your birth. 

Written by homebirth mum & HBV volunteer, Cally